In like a lion and out like a lamb

I hope I can float like a butterfly and sting like a bee instead.

Although, bee or butterfly, it feels as if I have my wings clipped right now.

Oh wait...bees have wings, right?

I guess that's telling of just how mashed up my already messed-up brain is at the moment.

I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that it's been a long time since I last had a decent catch-up with my bed.

I have been feeling incredibly stupid the entire day, in almost every way.

In all seriousness and without a trace of spite, I feel sorry for my
Senior Art Director (to be known as SAD from here on).

So sorry that I almost feel like apologising.

It sounds like he is used to working with copywriting brains that have a much faster processing speed in his 19 years.

Apologising, however, will be stupid - it is akin to robbing someone at gunpoint and telling them "I am sorry I'm poor, so please do not mind that you are now being forced to gimme all your money". Even to myself, my own response to that apology thought (to the SAD, not the robbery victim) is "Well, learn to become great then, what's your problem?!"

I am absolutely certain he did not mean any harm at all when he shared with me how he and his partner in other agencies used to work, how their brains were trained to function. More than anything, I think he meant it as an insight for me to mull over..."putting money in my pocket", like how the characters in Hongkong cantonese drama serials like to put it.

After all, if my judgement of character is not impaired, he is a nice guy who is serious about his work. And he has been great in guiding me at work so far, both in a direct and indirect manner.

Perhaps my friends are right, after all.

Maybe I am having a case of bipolar disorder here.

Can I have that "chat with my doctor friend" that I have been offered now?

And finally, what I would really like to know is...

"Why can't someone bottle creative juice and sell it at Cold Storage?"

Make that Sheng Siong, for better affordability.

Alright, time to get my pea-brain back to work.


P.S. In case you are wondering, right up to this moment, I still love my work and where I am working.

P.P.S. I have a sudden craving for rosti and sausage at Marche.

P.P.P.S. I need m-o-r-e coffee.

P.P.P.S. Oh dear. The birds are chirping now. Dawn is breaking. Think, think, think fast.

P.P.P.P.S. Much as it sounds like I have been complaining up to this stage, I am not. Truth is, I really do work better at night and I appreciate the dead silence. However, I also do appreciate getting some good nights' rest sometimes, for recharging and machine-maintenance purposes.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Oh gawd, I just had an idea! Yippe ya ya yippe yippe ya! But I can't judge whether it's a good or bad one...let me think it over, over more coffee.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I think it's not a good sign if I fished a tube of instant coffee powder from my bag, walked from the bedroom to the kitchen to fix the drink, and realised I had been holding a tube of hand ointment in my hands.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Can you birdies go back to sleep, please? The worms are still tucked in their muddy beds at this hour. You are stressing me out like a perpetual time-reader.

Crazy for you

Please don't drag me to the shrink by the hair when I tell you this.

I am totally, utterly, in love.

With my job.

It is true love.

At least, it feels like true love for now.

Or rather, it is those pretty rainbow-and-unicorn emotions associated with falling head-over-heels over someone.

In my case now, that 'someone' is work. I have never felt this way before, never this pure and intense anyway, even though the only reason I got into copywriting in the first place was a love for the work.

I have been 'whispering' happy songs at the top of my lungs in the shower, mindful of not massacring the peace-and-quiet of my poor neighbours. I have been skipping (yes, s-k-i-p-p-i-n-g) around the flat, propelled by a sense of deep joy that's reverberating within me. I have been going to sleep (in the rare occasions I think it is safe to call it a day for my brain) and jumping from bed in the morning with a silly grin plastered on my face. All these, when the pace at work now is the fastest I have ever experienced...even when those that I did were already intense to begin with.

And for that, I am declared a bipolar or schizophrenia case by my friends.

According to them, I have issues.

At last count, I have chalked up 1 x offer for "a chat with my doctor friend",
2 x concerns of "maybe you need to think about what is wrong with your life that you are actually happy to bring work home for the weekend" and multiple
"you need a shrink" suggestions.

Thanks, people. It's great to know one has friends who care.

*Beams a beatific smile at those around me...via Facebook*

Truth be told, the high that I am floating on now is not exactly 100% organic.

In fact, I would say up to 95.46723% of it is synthetic, man-made.

It is an extremely conscious decision on my part to ensure that I see and appreciate all the good things in the situation I am in right now.

Instead of, you know, doing what is natural and zooms in on the negative.

Because it would really be all too easy to be flip off the positive light.

It would be all too easy to gripe about this and that, that and this.

Granted, there will always be things that could be better, things that we wished we didn't have to do.

Or things that make us want to launch a tirade of profanity (I am speaking in general terms here, not about work - nothing at work really irks me so far)

But, will putting a magnifying glass to them make them scurry away and leave us in peace?

Will complaining to one and all make everything better and less of a dread?

Putting those negative thoughts in words will only serve to reinforce them, make them real, and turn what is unsavoury into something downright unbearable.

And completely obscure the pleasant bits about them or the situation you are in.

The good that can actually come out of everything if we can only stop and learn to look in the right place. To train our thoughts and focus our energy on right here, right now, on doing the right things.

Plus, the fact is, no matter how much complaining, you still have to do what needs to be done.

Only, complaining will make it many times worse.

And then there is the thing about negative thoughts being a defense mechanism for us - a state that we automatically slip into when we are about to do something that we are not sure if we can or want to do.

Even when the reality is that it could represent a huge breakthrough for us if we do it right.

When I take stock of my life right now, especially where career is concerned, I feel incredibly blessed that I have gotten nearly everything I asked for, literally.

I say 'literally' because I did really literally ask for these things I am getting now. I had gone "If only I could have XXX" on many occasions last year, and they are all coming true before my eyes.

Now back to me floating on a high.

Everyday, there will be times when I wonder/worry if I am going to free-fall from this happy cloud that I am on now.

But then I reassure myself that my euphoria is not without foundation.

And that, yes, I am only human and so when things get a little way too challenging or when I go without proper rest for too long, it is likely and normal that I will have my way-down-in-the-dump moments, when I am as negative as one can get, and it will probably last a while too.

Yet, I will survive.

I will bounce back.

I always do.

I hope so.

Hahaha.

Alright, time to get back to work...at home.

Wish me a constant supply of the happy vibes!

*Floats off in a puff of clouds*


NOTE: I am very aware that this intense high will gradually be diluted a little as I go along.
It would probably be too unrealistic to expect that I am still singing/skipping/grinning whenever I think about work after, say, 4 months into the job. But well, I guess being less on a high doesn't have to mean I go to the other extreme and be stuck in the low. I hope I can help myself to slowly ease into a well-adjusted state of mind.

NOTE II: Even though I have been busier than ever, strangely enough, I am living a more balanced life now. I make time to go for my weekly jog at the park (I value this me-time greatly, whether it's owned by me alone or shared with my mum), and I have many big plans to introduce more activities into my life. I am a happy birdie! I hope it lasts!

NOTE III: Let me just add that I feel incredibly blessed too that somehow, I seem able to handle everything that is coming my way reasonably well, so far. And that at times when I feel like I am out of my depth, I am able to hold myself back from freaking out and instead adopt a 'Let's learn then' angle. Again, I hope, I pray, it lasts! And gets even better! ; )

Out with the old, in with the new

• New room
• New job
• New life (I suppose)

Let's start with the new room.

A more accurate description would be "the old room with a new look". After an intensive round of ruthless discarding exercises (first to go was my hoarding tendency), a back-neck-and-arm-breaking paint job and the installation of new furniture, my bedroom is now stripped of 99.9763132% of anything that remotely screams "Quirky!", "Whimsical!", "Eclectic!" And I am loving it. Photos and a video will be up soon.

Next, new job.

As of today (2 Feb 2009), I am officially back in full-time and permanent employment as a copywriter (as permanent as a job can be in a free-falling economy). Which means I need to stock up on sleep whenever I can.
That is also my excuse for this short and quick entry.

Lastly, new life.

I am not exactly certain how 'new' it is going to be. But with a number of new things happening in my life right now, my guess is that it is going to be different somehow. In a good way, I hope.

Alright, it's bed time.

Goodnight, people.